If you work somewhere long enough, you begin to connect with your colleagues on a deeper level. You tend to learn more about their families, pets and friends. We learn bits and pieces about daily routines and grand adventures with their loved ones. 

Sadly, our colleagues may experience personal loss. We often feel helpless when a colleague is grieving a death or other loss; we want to take away their pain and ease their suffering. Here are ways you can support your colleagues while they are grieving.

Compassion First

• Recognize that your colleague is a fellow human being who is going through a universal human experience - grief.

• Use kind language and their loved one's name to invite conversation and stories.

• Follow their lead. They may want a break and would prefer to be silent, or to focus on lighter topics.

• Be mindful of when and where you ask your colleague how they’re doing, as it may open up emotions at an inconvenient time.

• Avoid references to faith as a source of support, as your colleague may not share your beliefs.

• When offering condolences, remember that words cannot take away their pain. Show that you are thinking about them and their loss. 

Practical Assistance

• Offer to help as a team with meals, errands, cleaning or childcare.

• Acknowledge that work responsibilities may need to change as returning to work may be a difficult transition. Extend your assistance when you are able.

• Have open discussions with your supervisor or manager to determine if particular job responsibilities may need to shift due to possible triggers. 

• Encourage flexibility if that is available in your department or unit.

Uncertain Interactions

Depending on the level of connection between you and the colleague, you may not feel it is your place to speak to them about their loss. If you are not in a close relationship with this colleague, you can still offer condolences. State something simple, like “I don’t know what to say, but I wanted you to know you were on my mind.” As witnesses to others’ grief and mourning, we may feel unsure of how to respond or support them through their pain. In fact, we may shy away from discussions. Be aware of your own comfort with death, grief, and loss, and choose ways to stay connected to the conversation while honoring your own experience.   

Ongoing Support

There is a good deal of attention paid to an individual’s grief in the days after a loss. However, someone in mourning often needs more continual support in the weeks, months and years following a loss. Remembering a death anniversary or a loved one’s birthday (if you know it) can be a meaningful way to show your continued support. Join in conversations about their loss or discuss memories of their loved one. Offering support to a colleague may be as simple as listening with a caring presence. 

Need More Support? We’re Here for You

If you want to discuss these topics or need support for your own grief, counselors are available to provide confidential services at no charge. 

Academic Campus Employees

Reach out to the Faculty and Staff Counseling and Consultation Office (FASCCO) at 734-936-8660 or via email at [email protected]. 

Michigan Medicine Employees

Reach out to the Office of Counseling and Workplace Resilience (OCWR) by calling 734-763-5409 or sending an email to [email protected].
 

This article was written by Jillian Dronfield, LMSW, assistant director of the Michigan Medicine Office of Counseling and Workplace Resilience, and Lisbeth Harcourt, LMSW, program manager of the Office of Decedent Affairs, Adult Services. We invite you to attend the 7th Annual Grief Awareness Conference, Discovering Compassion in Loss: Building Sustainability for All, on Tuesday, May 12, at Weber’s Inn. This annual conference is sponsored by The Honoring Life and Loss: Grief Awareness for Faculty and Staff initiative, co-chaired by Jillian and Lisbeth, and designed for individuals working in healthcare with a focus on personal and professional grief.