Self-care requires the discipline to do the hard and boring things that are good for us.

Start by reading this Forbes article on self-care. It debunks many of the backward ways self-care is often portrayed. The author, Tami Forman, suggests the following examples of self-care: 

• Turning off the TV instead of watching another episode of “The Crown” because the alarm is going off at 5 a.m. so you can get to the gym
• Declining the second drink at the office holiday party. It might even be declining the first drink
• Saying “no” to the thing you don’t want to do even if someone is going to be angry at you
• Maintaining financial independence
• Doing work that matters
• Letting other people take care of themselves

Build Your Own Self-Care Plan

Evaluate Your Coping Skills

Examining your own habits is an important first step in developing a self-care plan. How do you typically deal with life’s demands? Can you identify when you need to take a break? When faced with challenges, we can use either positive coping strategies or negative coping strategies. Below are a few examples of each. Which strategies do you use? Be honest when evaluating your current behaviors. If you find yourself lashing out or reaching for a cigarette instead of taking a deep breath and refocusing during periods of frustration, it may be time to re-evaluate your go-to coping skills.

Identify Your Self-Care Needs

Your needs are unique and during these challenging times, your needs may change even within a single day. Practice asking yourself what’s needed at this moment. Hit the reset button as often as you need and ask the question as often as you need. It is also helpful to distinguish what you need in everyday life, and what you need in the event of crisis. 

Daily Self-Care Needs:

• Physical (e.g. eat regular and healthy meals, good sleep habits, regular exercise, medical check-ups, etc.)
• Emotional (e.g. engage in positive activities, acknowledge my own accomplishments, express emotions in a healthy way, etc.)
• Spiritual (e.g. read inspirational literature, self-reflection, spend time in nature, meditate, explore spiritual connections, etc.)
• Professional (e.g. pursue meaningful work, maintain work-life balance, positive relationships with co-workers, time management skills, etc.)
• Social (e.g. healthy relationships, make time for family/friends, schedule dates with partner/spouse, ask for support from family and friends, etc.)
• Financial (e.g. understand how finances impact your quality of life, create a budget or financial plan, pay off debt, etc.)
• Psychological (e.g. take time for yourself, disconnect from electronic devices, journal, pursue new interests, learn new skills, access psychotherapy, life coaching, or counseling support through your EFAP if needed, etc.)

Emergency Self-Care Needs:

• Relaxation/Staying Calm: Which activities help you to relax (e.g. deep breathing, taking a walk)? Which activities make you more agitated or frustrated (e.g. yelling, swearing, or drinking)?
• Self-Talk: Helpful self-talk may include, “I am safe/I can do this.” Harmful self-talk may include, “I can’t handle this/I knew this would happen/I deserve this.”
• Social Support: Which family members and friends can you reach out to for help or support? Which people should you avoid during times of stress? Be honest about who helps and who zaps your energy.
• Mood: Which activities support a positive mood (e.g. listening to uplifting music, enjoying the sunshine)? What should you avoid when times get tough (e.g. staying in bed all day, avoiding social activities)?
• Resilience: What, or who, helps you to get through difficult times? What helps you bounce back? Conversely, what or who feeds negativity for you?

Identify Barriers and Areas for Improvement

• Reflect on the existing coping strategies and self-care tools you have outlined in the previous activities. What’s working? What isn’t working? Keep the helpful tools, and ditch the stuff that doesn’t help you.
• Examine barriers to maintaining your self-care. Examine how you can address these barriers. Start taking steps toward incorporating new strategies and tools that will benefit your health and well-being.
• Replace negative coping strategies by working on reducing, and then eliminating them. If you find yourself using negative strategies, then begin by choosing one action you feel is most harmful and identify a positive strategy to replace it. Positive coping skills are an important part of your self-care toolkit.

Create Your Self-Care Plan

Write down your own personal self-care plan. It can be simple or complex, but writing it down can help you reflect back on what’s working and can solidify your intention. Be creative and include self-care brainstorming sessions for how to implement.