Caring for Kids is a monthly article series by early childhood education experts in Child and Family Care and Children’s Centers.
You may know the scenario well: your child rushes over, eyes wide, breathlessly delivering the latest report on a sibling or peer's misstep. While the immediate impulse might be to sigh and dismiss it as a bid for attention, you have a unique opportunity to shape your child’s moral compass.
Tattling, at its core, is often a child’s attempt to understand and enforce the rules of the world around them. They are seeking to affirm their sense of right and wrong, but they may not have learned yet to distinguish between minor annoyances and true emergencies. Your role is to guide them across that critical divide.
As Christine Snyder, director of U-M Child and Family Care, notes: “By listening to children when they have something to report, we can help them learn the difference between something that truly needs to be shared to keep someone safe versus something they noticed that does not need to be shared with someone else."
When your child comes to you, take a moment before acting. First, quickly assess the situation: Is someone hurt? Is property being damaged? If the answer is no, it's likely a moment for "tattling," not "telling."
Instead of immediately intervening, try these strategies:
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Acknowledge their perspective. Let them know that you understand what they are experiencing. For example you may say, "I hear that you are upset that your brother isn't sharing."
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Be curious about their need or intent. Find out if they simply need to express themselves, are looking to receive support in processing their feelings, want assistance in working through a challenging situation, or if someone else is in need or support or help. You can ask a simple question like, “do you need me to listen or help?”
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Empower children to problem-solve. You can ask questions that encourage independence, for example: or "How could you tell your friend how that made you feel?" or you can ask if they need ideas for how to handle the situation.
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For older children, you can ask them to come up with their own solutions: “What ideas do you have to resolve this situation?”
By honoring what they’ve shared but not acting on every minor complaint, you help them understand that you trust them to manage smaller social situations. You transform their desire to tattle into a practical skill for self-advocacy and developing social responsibility.
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Don't Get Buried by Snow Days - Make a Plan Now
Unexpected school closures due to snowy, icy, or just plain bad winter weather are a yearly tradition here in Michigan! While a surprise snow day can sound fun for the kids, for caregivers, it can often feel like a sudden logistical emergency.
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U-M partners with Bright Horizons to provide 15 days of university-subsidized backup care annually across the U.S. Bright Horizons also offers resources to help you care for those who matter most while you fulfill your commitments to U-M.
This service is available to active, benefits-eligible faculty and staff, as well as registered and enrolled U-M students (current term). Learn more and register now, so you’re good to go the next time it snows!
