Are you being abused? Are you an abuser? Do you know your relationship rights?
Does your partner…
- Constantly ridicule or insult you?
- Become extremely jealous?
- Undermine your sense of power or confidence?
- Keep you financially dependent?
- Make you account for every minute you are not together?
- Manipulate you with lies, contradictions, or promises?
- Prevent you from seeing your friends and family?
- Get angry when you disagree?
- Make you ask for permission before you go out, get a job, or go to school?
- Abuse your pet to frighten you?
- Destroy your property?
- Restrain you?
- Throw objects at you?
- Threaten you with weapons or objects?
- Threaten to hurt your children?
- Hit, slap, punch, shove, kick, or otherwise physically abuse you?
- Force you into unwanted sexual situations?
If you answered "yes" to one or more of these questions, you may be a victim of domestic violence. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. HELP IS AVAILABLE. Find University of Michigan resources. Find local organizations providing services related to domestic violence. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Find additional national resources.
Getting help–if you think you are abusive.
It takes just as much courage to admit being abusive as it does to admit being abused. Once the problem is identified, you might believe you can fix it or that it will go away on its own. It won't.
You can change over time with help. It is not easy, and you must want to change. For batterers, the most successful programs appear to be certified batterers programs. Through group dynamics, these programs can help batterers:
- Work at negotiating win/win agreements
- Learn to deal with insecurities and fears
- Learn to control feelings, not people
- Reduce isolation and provide friendship with people who also want to change
- Be honest with their partners
- Learn techniques for controlling their own behavior, not others'
- Be accountable for their own behavior
For additional information or help, contact Alternatives to Domestic Aggression.
Know your relationship rights.
I have the right:
- To an equal and healthy relationship with my partner
- To be respected
- To change my mind
- To kindness from my partner
- To emotional support
- To be listened to politely by my partner
- To have my own opinions, even if my partner disagrees
- To have my own feelings
- To clear and honest answers to questions that concern me
- To live free from accusation and blame
- To live free from criticism and judgment
- To have my work and interests spoken of with respect
- To encouragement
- To live free from emotional and physical threat
- To live free from angry outbursts and rage
- To be called by no name that hurts, shames or puts me down
- To be respectfully asked rather than ordered
- To be myself as long as I am respectful of others
- To choose whether and when I want to have physical or sexual contact with my partner