Learning Forgiveness
It can be very difficult to forgive and let go of anger and resentment. You may want to be right, you may be afraid to get hurt again, or you may want to "win." But by holding onto feelings of anger and hurt, your own health can suffer and you end up losing anyway.
- To learn how to forgive, start with forgiving yourself first. It is common to "beat yourself up" for mistakes. Being mad at yourself doesn't help you learn a lesson from your behavior. Rather, it reinforces a negative self image that makes if even more difficult to stick to your original goals and plans for improvement.
- Try using positive self-talk when you have made a mistake or done something you believe you should not have. At first this may feel awkward because we are used to the negative messages we have sent and reinforced to ourselves, but over time, you will see and experience better results. And you can use the same attitude towards the mistakes of others.
- Remember that forgiveness is the healthy option.
- Give yourself permission to forgive and go forward. As Carolyn Osiek writes in the book, Beyond Anger, "It is not 'forgive and forget' as if nothing wrong ever had happened, but 'forgive and go forward,' building on the mistakes of the past and the energy generated by reconciliation to create a new future."
