Concerned about a colleague
What should I do if I am concerned about a colleague’s possible mental health or substance misuse problem?
Because of the stigma that continues to surround mental health and substance misuse problems, we are often reluctant to suggest that a colleague might be experiencing or need help with such a problem. Instead of expressing concern or offering help, we try either to ignore the symptoms or to avoid contact with the individual. Thus they can become isolated and their problems can continue to grow. Because this outcome isn’t positive for the individual or those around them, it is important to provide support and assistance when you become aware of possible problems.
If you are concerned that a colleague might have a mental health or substance misuse problem, you can approach them yourself, consult with FASAP or UMHS EAP, or relay your concerns to your supervisor. If you talk with your supervisor, you need to provide detailed information about what has caused your concerns. You need to be aware that it is not always possible to guarantee that your colleague won’t know it was you who talked with the supervisor.
If you have a friendly relationship with your colleague, you may wish to approach them directly and in private. You can open a discussion by saying something like “You don’t seem to be yourself lately. Is everything OK?” or “I’ve noticed you seem to be upset (unhappy, quiet, worried, preoccupied, absent, late etc.) a lot lately. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Even if they choose not to tell you anything, you have let them know that you care about them and want to be supportive. Once they know you are open to talking with them, they may come back later when they feel more prepared to talk.
Sometimes it isn’t the stigma of mental illness that prevents you from approaching a co-worker, but uncertainty about what to say or do if they reveal that they do have a mental health problem. Or perhaps you are afraid the person might mistake your question as an indication that you want to be a confidante or give them advice. In these cases, it is important to emphasize your role as a colleague while encouraging them to seek professional assistance. You can always suggest that they consult, at no charge, a confidential, professional counselor at either FASAP or UMHS EAP. In suggesting this alternative, you can use neutral language like “You might want to talk with a counselor at FASAP/UMHS EAP about issues that are bothering you” or “A counselor at FASAP or UMHS EAP might be able to help with whatever is worrying or upsetting you.”
The key thing to remember is that if you approach someone with respect, compassion and empathy, and speak in neutral language, it is unlikely that they will be offended by your efforts to help them.
What should I do if a colleague does or says something that suggests they might be physically or cognitively impaired?
If you think a colleague is behaving in a way that might suggest they are physically or cognitively impaired (e.g. slurred speech, unsteady gait, fuzzy or distorted thinking) and you are concerned that they or anyone else might be in danger, it’s easy to feel frightened and confused.
There are many things that can cause such behavior — alcohol or drug use, mental or physical illness, dehydration, medication interaction, etc. You are right to be concerned about the potential seriousness of such a situation.
Following are appropriate responses:
- If the individual is in serious distress, immediately dial 911.
- If they are not in serious distress,
- ask them if they are alright and if they need assistance.
- if you can provide reasonable and immediate assistance, do so. (This does not include taking them home). Then advise your supervisor of the situation.
- if you can’t provide assistance, or if you are uncomfortable approaching them, immediately consult your supervisor.
What should I do if a colleague does or says something that suggests they might hurt themselves or someone else?
If a colleague has said or done something that might suggest they are thinking of hurting themselves or someone else, you are likely to feel confused or frightened. Don’t try to deal with these situations alone, even if your colleague wants to swear you to secrecy. Helping them is much easier if you have support from your supervisor, HR representative or counselors in FASAP or UMHS EAP.
It is very difficult, even for professionals, to know when someone is serious about harming themselves or someone else. When a colleague says something like “Some days I’d just like to end it all” or “I’m so angry I could kill him,” it might be that they are just exasperated with a work or family problem and are letting off steam. Many of us tend to make careless remarks of this nature, and yet we have no intention of acting on them. However, some situations in which individuals have not been taken seriously have ended tragically.
We don’t want you to feel responsible for deciding whether or not such statements pose a threat. We encourage you to take the statements seriously, and let your co-worker know that statements like this give you cause for concern. This is part of being in a caring community. A simple question like “Do you really mean what you said?” or “This sounds serious. Can we talk about it?” will let them know you are listening and taking them seriously. If they aren’t serious, nothing is lost. If they are serious, showing concern and inviting them to talk is more likely to be helpful than to give them harmful ideas or to scare them into privacy about their plans. It also opens the door for you to recommend they seek help even if they aren’t contemplating hurting themselves or someone else. In such situations, we encourage you to suggest they call FASAP or UMHS EAP for free and confidential counseling.
If you feel uneasy about talking with them, or have talked with them and still feel uncertain about what the situation requires, consult immediately with your supervisor or a FASAP or UMHS EAP counselor.
If at any time you believe that someone is in imminent danger, immediately call 911.
